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October 13th, 2008
02:46 pm
If one searches google for MCCSS, this journal comes up on the bottom of the 5th page.
I don't mean to infect other with my negativity, but I do feel that other who are considering a practice placement or volunteering do have a right to know what it was like for someone who stuck it out for the whole time... and what is bs on MCCSS' website, and what is not. ELI wouldn't give me any former intern or volunteers emails, so I hope I'll be able to help anyone who is as crazy about researching their options as I tend to be.
I may continue to post pictures here (once I get a card reader) but rest assured that my lengthly bitchings are probably over.
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01:52 pm
Got back yesterday. corbin and his family have been wonderful. his dad drove me back to their house while corbin and I canoodled in the back seat. his mommy cooked me the brussel sprouts I've been craving for the past two months, along with all kinds of yummy other stuff, and thoughtfully bought me shnook pants to relax in. i think it will probably be a year before I can eat rice again.
jet lag isn't too bad, but I'm a bit zombie-ish. i need a job like woah, but it's back to the same 'need a car to get a job' conundrum.
Being back will take some adjustment I think. The whole reverse culture shock thing. There were so many things I didn’t accomplish in India that I wanted to. What feels like so many loose ends. But I don’t think staying any longer would have tied them up.
I’m glad to be rid of Isabel and the office. I’m beginning to realize how much I really disliked that woman and having to be amenable all the time. Glad that I don’t have to explain over and over that you can’t do certain things in Microsoft word. (It’s a bit like explaining gravity, or why the sky is blue… that’s just the way it is! I promise!)
With the cool air and the trees, the smell of apples and leaves on the ride home, the vegetables and edible fish for dinner, the soft bed to sleep in…the boyfriend’s hugs… I’m beginning to feel like I can think straight again.
Even in New York City, there was little garbage or pollution. There were rules governing where cars went on the road, and seatbelts, and the drive was astoundingly quiet… only one (ONE!) car horn went off the entire trip!
But I think I will miss the bustle, the shopping at cheap prices, the freedom of being able to flag down an auto and go wherever I wanted in the city, whenever I wanted (before 6pm.)
The trees are beautiful. The late afternoon lights makes them glow. It took me over a month to be able to see any beauty in Chennai; the lines of buildings, the clothing drying on lines between buildings and on fences, in the crowds of sari clad women, in the flash over color under a walking woman’s flowing black burqua. But this is more beautiful than any architecture or synchronized dance in flashy costumes. This is the divine.
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12:49 pm
I left India behind a similar wall of non-emotion as I arrived. Though I did get a catch in my throat when saying goodbye to Akbar and Aysha.
Most of the girls and women and kids didn't really seem to care or understand, but Aysha was surprised. I promised to send her the long awaited pictures and a red dress she requested as a present from America. One of the girls gave me a ring in exchange for my email and a promise not to forget her. And four or five of them demanded kisses on the cheek after I bid the kids goodbye with kisses and hugs and tosses in the air.
The upstairs rooms at the short stay home are closing due to lack of funding. S. asked me to try and raise funds for her to stay there because the downstairs is so crowded. 4000 rupees a month is about $100. It seems a ridiculous sum to me when I know Brenda is getting an apartment down the street for $150. And it's not shared with 10 other people. I told her I would try to raise some money but I couldn't promise anything. And felt guilty for the $50 I spent on indulging in a facial, pedicure and haircut earlier in the day.
In defense of my fanatical shopping indulgences of the past week or so, $10 for 5+ yards of sari fabric is a damn good deal. (perhaps is was made in poor working conditions, but so might the fabric I'd buy in the US be as well... you really have no way of knowing... and at least if I stitch my own clothes it's one less thing made in a sweat shop.) It is difficult to practice what you preach when you feel powerless. It's not a good excuse, but it is true.
India took away my confidence and passion and confidence that all the money I think I'm fairly good at raising, thank you, actually does any good. Paying Anandhi's salary to sit around and chat on mobile and social network and make shitty powerpoints and watch a few trafficking seminars and maybe tell the women at the shelter to buck up and live with each other once in a while does not make me enthusiastic about sending my money or anyone else's. Though on the bright side, at least there's no money laundering going on like at a number of other Indian NGOs. That we know about.
But when faced with someone directly asking me for money to live in more comfortable conditions, how can I refuse to try? The kid's been through hell. I have so much respect and admiration for her, for defending her little sister and trying to get away from their scumbag father. For dealing with seeing him once a month. (Jesus, that makes me angry that they have to go through that. The man should be in jail. But MCCSS can't condone "breaking up families." *eyeroll*)
But how can I get a $100 every month for the next five years? I'm confidant I could do it for a few months, but for years? After that they'd just go back downstairs. Is it worth it to give her a month of respite? And what about the other women? Is it fair to ignore them? Could the upstairs rooms continue to stay open "rent" were only supplied for two girls? (Personally, I don't see why not, but who know what kind of logic is behind the funding.)
And how can I have any confidence in what MCCSS will do with that money?
And would it be ethical to tell her story and flash her picture to get pity money. I suppose I could try to get her permission, but she asked me vehemently not to tell the office she asked, and it's difficult to go behind their back.
The other thing is, while I do care, I think it's just another case of a bandaid. I'd rather pay for her college expenses so she can get out of the short stay home and have an independent life.
But again, how can I say no? I promised I'd try.
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/classic/sad.gif) sad
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October 10th, 2008
04:36 pm - Too Harsh? (my "refelction" for MCCSS)
I have spent the past two and a half months as an intern for MCCSS for my Women’s Studies practicum. My time in Chennai provided me with the chance to look at how an NGO works; where funding comes from and goes to, Indian office politics and hierarchy, program set up and management. I gained insight into the realities of HIV prevention efforts at an NGO in the city through which HIV first entered India. I enjoyed talking with the other volunteers about their own cultures and had an inside look at the subtleties of Tamil culture. I enjoyed spending time with the young women at the short stay home, though we had no common language, and had fun playing with their children. Spending more than two months 8483 miles from home allowed me to gain a deeper sense of cultural sensitivity and relativism, as well as an unexpected further appreciation for cultural anthropologists and the work they do. I’ve also gained an appreciation for evaluation and a sense of skepticism about the effectiveness of programs that look good on paper, which will hopefully do me well in my future career.
The staff have been kind, but I find there is a communication problem that goes beyond the language barrier. We would create programs and presentations that would just never happened for some reason. Or we would have to struggle on the appointed day to be able to do those programs. Spending a week on a project only to have it thrown out is something that I’m sure happens in the regular course of work anywhere… but when it’s just another case of something that could have been avoided with better communication, it makes one feel as if one’s work is not valued.
MCCSS is a busy organization. Staff should not have to go out of their way to accommodate me. However, while another ELI volunteer showing me around the short stay home, the local supermarkets, and telling me a little about the programs was most welcome and helpful, I would have liked to have had a real orientation with a staff person who had been at MCCSS for some time, in addition to someone who had few weeks on the fringe as a volunteer. I suggest having a staff person take at least an hour to get to know the interns and volunteers. Each intern has unique skills to offer (besides typing and powerpoint) that could be beneficial to MCCSS. I spent two weeks milling around wondering what I could do to help. This waste of time could have been avoided if the staff had any idea of the skills I had to offer, or if someone had at the very least read my resume. (I find it odd that MCCSS “hired” me when a few of the topics I’ve actively lobbied on in the past are antithetical to MCCSS’ work.) While we are of course expected to assimilate into the Indian way of doing things, but MCCSS staff need to realize that we as foreigners (and students who have always been assigned work) have no way of knowing that the degree to which if we don’t ask for work it wont be given to us; that if we do not interrupt meetings to speak to someone, we will be left to our own devices. While I’m sure some enjoy the freedom of taking weeks off to tour India, I came here to work, and I had hoped to make a small but honest difference in people’s lives.
I came to MCCSS expecting to be treated as an intern, not a volunteer. Typically, an intern is considered to be junior staff; while they may do more menial work, they are in training for a higher position. I realize that I lack the language skills that would have made me an effective community outreach person, and I certainly don’t fault MCCSS for that, but I again am puzzled as to why MCCSS “hired” me, if there was not any meaningful work I could do here. Unlike a volunteer I need to rely on my experience here to start a career in six months. I find myself emerging with plenty of experience in watching programs I cannot understand and a noticeable lack of practical skills.
I do not think my expectations were unreasonable, since they were based on litterature provided by Experiental Learning International and the MCCSS website; these were only materials I had access to before my departure, and I highly recomend that the latter be updated to avoid future cases of disapointment.
In closing, I hope that my "reflection" will be of assistance in creating a better experience for future interns and students on their practice placements (especially those from fields other than social work), rather than simply used as odder for the annual report. For that reason, I do not give my permission to reproduce this document other than at its full length.
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12:48 pm
The Catholic women’s conference was surprisingly progressive in some respects. On top of good food and a comfier bed for a few days, I'm glad I went.
While yes, I did an overlong open-mouthed shocked stare from Ari when I finally told him straight out I wasn’t Christian, (and yes, that does still irritate me,) the Christians I met in India seem to be much more focused on positive messages. It isn’t about being anti-abortion or anti-gay here. Though I know some people may not completely agree with abortion or homosexuality or transgenderism, they’re much more interested in activism, in making the world a better place; in getting transgenders out of abusive situations, even if they don't agree with wearing a sari if you have 5 o'clock shadow. Granted, these efforts seem a little superficial to me: sure, giving your leftovers to the poor is a good idea, but don’t you think you should also be working to erase the problems that create poverty in the first place? But it’s a start.
They had a Catholic nun at the Conference speaking about how there were women in the bible who did amazing important things (besides Mary) that sermons should focus more on. How Paul had plenty of female followers and his order that women should be silent in church wasn’t meant for all women; probably just some people who were being disrupted in a particular church back in the day. How the first missionary and preacher of Jesus’ message was female. The influence Greek and Roman attitudes must have had on the early church. How God created males and females as equals and humanity messed up the proper order of things. All the positions women can have within the Catholic church today, and how just because the Pope hasn’t declared that women can be priests doesn’t mean that day isn’t coming and we shouldn’t pray for it. The benefits of house churches and personal bible study. And above all, how the Bible should be rewritten or retranslated to be more inclusive of both genders.
She was an amazing speaker, and had what I could only describe as what must be that famed enlightened glow; she radiated a sense of peacefulness and contentment, and even joy that only made her words more powerful. She was passionate, but not aggressive or despairing. I couldn’t help but think that that if there had been someone like her at any of the churches I occasionally found myself in as a child, rather than the people who talked down to children and were more interested ion indoctrination and right answers, I probably would have been a bigger fan of JC’s fan club.
Though someone in the back did of course bring up that the Vatican is anti-condoms during the AIDS talk, there seemed to be a general consensus that maybe the Vatican isn’t right about everything, that Christian action should be more “heart” based than ideological.
Other attendees told me how happy they were that Obama was leading in the polls. That after abu ghraib and the war, the election of McCain (and Palin) would be the last straw. And they said this sadly, rather than vehemently or angrily; as if it were just too bad that our county was loosing international respect. It’s funny how the “religious right” has so much control over our politics, though we’re supposed to be a secular democracy. It’s funny how the Indian people I met who are truly religious and deeply Christian are so upset with the direction we’re going.
It was immensely refreshing to be around Christians that thought of their faith as an avenue to create positive change, to free the oppressed, rather than an excuse to condemn people or poke holes in condoms. But maybe that’s just India for you. Even Husain, the guy from the mall who helped me buy a cell phone, who I visited last Monday, basically told me that though he calls himself a Muslim, he’s more interested in being a good person and helping others than doctrine.
If this is the face of Christianity in India, why the bombings of Churches and raping of nuns in the North I wonder. What provokes that kind of violence?
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/classic/thinking.gif) contemplative
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October 2nd, 2008
10:02 pm
have also been reading "the wisdom of whores".
great book about the AIDS industry, not just material wise, but actually an enjoyable read. glad i found it before grad school.
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09:36 pm
leaving chennai in a week has made every experience more dear to me. i can finally appreciate the fruit stands and the train, the food, buildings and trees.
today is ghandi's birthday. we had the day off since the office was closed. i spent the morning waiting around for a blouse tailor who never showed up. (all the ones up and down the street are men, and will not measure my chest...or let me even do it myself with their tape.) so much for wearing a sari in India.
i spent the afternoon as a tourist; taking the train around and walking with sofie and jen, rather than my usual auto rickshaw. it was nice. you see the city differently that way. ate at a great resturant for lunch; the back room was ac and quite dark, the only light comming from a colorful disco contraption. walked to forst st. george, which was largely deserted and dull. then took the train to the beach, buying bindis and a wooden flute enroute. the statue of ghandi was decked out in flowers, kids were flying doxen of little kites, and nuns were shreiking in their peach colored saris and grey robes as waves soaked them to the waist. after that we walked to the citi centre mall for dinner (subway sandwitches) and I bought a burka for my dear renosweenytodd. the salesman was actually quite friendly and pleasant; i had been afaid he would accuse me of being a vulgar western woman disrespecting islam.
i've speant the past few days with the girls. almost every night since the sex ed class they've been visiting my room in the evenings, asking questions, but more about pregnancy than any other topic. most of my expertise is in how NOT to get pregnant, rather than dealing with it once you are. but while sex is obviously inevitable for most of them, so is child bearing. i know where the values lie here, but i hadn't considered that teenage girls would rather know about C-sections over G-spots.
it's made me realize how little i know, but then again, it's not information that i consider to be relevant to my own life, so i really haven't looked into it much. so i answer what i can, as best i can, but it's not like i can draw on personal experience.
it's been nice though to be able to share what i DO know, and i've learned about people's values and interests and dreams and cultural norms in the process. apparently i have only 4 years left before people think i'm weird for not being married and planning on children. people already think i'm weird, but this is a whole nother level, where women are not invited or kicked out of community functions and parties and disrespected when their backs are turned. infertility is catching apparently, and never the man's fault. *sigh*
so that does put me on a deadline if i plan on comming back here. maybe. (ha... a week ago i wouldn't have considered comming back unless you paid me! goes to show how much i'm starting to romanticise everything.) the girls have been very accepting of me. most think i'm three years younger. that feeling is addictive, especially since i feel like i've been unable to connect with people here for so long.
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/classic/smile.gif) peaceful
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September 26th, 2008
03:57 pm
Friday, September 26, 2008
Homosexuality is a crime, insists Central Govt
New Delhi: The government will not scrap a law that treats homosexuality as a crime, putting to rest a debate between the Home and Health ministries on whether homosexuality should be legalised in India.
On Friday, the Centre will oppose a petition filed by gay rights activists in the Delhi High Court seeking decriminalisation of homosexual acts between consenting adults.
“We are going to take a stand against scrapping of section 377 of IPC (punishment for indulging in unnatural sex). I will stiffly oppose the plea,” Additional Solicitor General PP Malhotra told reporters.
The court had sought the government’s view on a petition filed by Naz Foundation, an NGO supporting gay rights.
The development follows differences between the health ministry and the home ministry on the issue. The health ministry said the law pushes HIV people underground “which makes such risky sexual practices go unnoticed”. The home ministry said society disapproves of homosexuality, so it should be treated as a crime.
The government’s stand was finalised after the law ministry said it was against any tampering with Section 377. “This is a section not merely confined to gay rights, it acts as a deterrent against those with sick minds too,” a law ministry official said.
http://news.in.msn.com/national/article.aspx?cp-documentid=1670785
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September 23rd, 2008
02:10 pm
Went to the Kolli Hills (sp?) this weekend. The mountains were loveley. The 12 hours of travel was not.
We did get to do out talk on gender for 60 something girls who lived at the place MCCSS did its activities we the men's self help groups, though we had to fight to be able to do it. Every time we asked we were told something different; time, ages and number of kids, etc. Bottom line, in my opinion it didn't go very well. I dodn't think the girls got anything out of it for a number of reasons. I went to bed that night w/ the sense that we were only given something to do to placate us, with no thought from our superiors. But I did learn something from all the mistakes we made. I'll have a whole entry for that later. I tried to make up for sounding like a white western whatever condemning local traditions the next day, hanging out with the girls. We had little language in common, but we sang songs back and forth, and they taught me some Tamil. I had a good time and I think they did too.
The lack of sleep has me sick again with a cold and a muzzy head. I missed out on a social research lecture at a college in chennai. I've been in bed reading most of the day, trying to sort through a book on sex work, but I can't stand the way it's so non-linear, not question answer oriented that instead I'm turning to a short ficton work about an arranged marriage.
Signe is leaving tomorrow, so tonight we're headed to a tapas bar to say goodbye. I hope my head clears enough for me to go.
Ulric an Maya have cut their time here short too. They're leaving in a week.
Current Mood: numb
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September 16th, 2008
06:13 pm
I'll be doing a five minute talk on gender in the united states this weekend when we go to visit men's self help groups in the mountains.
When the 40 girls come I'll do it again, maybe lengthening it to 10 min as part of a program visiting the women in evelopment project.
I'll do the yoga class the girls are interested.
They asked me to do something for Girl Child Day, so I'll be facilitating a few games or races. (the theme is sports)
In October there's a conference on women's issues for the chennai catholic churches. the usual stuff: trafficking, female infanticide, etc.
Maybe at some point they'll let me do a reproductive health class... once Joshua, the protestant preist running the HIV dept approves it. He's generally a nice guy, but I get the impression he doesn't like me asking questions that aren't as basic as "What is AIDS?"
other than that, I don't know what I'm going to do with myself the last four weeks. probably go to programs and the slum... more to be able to ask Pathou questions while we travel than anything else. I get more out of that than watching program after program, but nobody has time otherwise, and Pathou seems to have the best grasp on the questions I ask.
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/classic/angry.gif) cranky
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05:48 pm
Tried to talk to Isabel and suggest that we can do better work if there is better communication on what she's looking for.
It's disconcerting to be interupted every sentence, first by other staff comming in to speak with her, then her interupting me.
How can you understand what I'm saying if you don't listen to a single full sentence I'm saying?
If this had been my job, today is the third time I would have quit.
Apparently she expected the Australien volunteers to have spoken to us.
They had no idea the responsibility was theirs.
I suppose Isabel sees us as one big unit of volunteers, though the Australiens don't live with the rest of us and I only see them every few days. Sofie lives here, but doesn't seem to like the other Danish people, so she's around but doesn't talk much to them about what's going on, what programs she's attended, etc.
We're 8 altogether. I understand it's a lot of people to manage, but when we're with you for months on end and come from diverse acedemic backgrounds and languages and may not even like each other... it would be beneficial to see us as individuals with unique skills we could bring to the table. Not a lump to toss around and try to pacify.
Why they have 8 volunteers I'm not really sure. There isn't enough work for all of us the way things are organized now. Maybe three people will be typing reports, the rest go out with staff to observe. And by observe, I mean watch people speak Tamil to a crowd while everybody stares at your pale skin.
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03:07 pm - another rant
We'll have 40 school girls comming to stay at MCCSS 9/25 - 10/4, ages 16-17, well educated, english speaking, and from upper middle class families.
Isabel asks us to do some programs with them.
I ask what kind of programs? Why are they comming here?
To learn leadership, how to be good citizens, etc. Maybe do some movies with them in the evening, keep them entertained. And figure this out in three hours.
That's it. Pretty vague if you ask me.
Fine. It's a tall order; plan for nine days with 40 girls. I tell the other volunteers I can find our task. They're upset they only have 3 hours to plan, and worry it will turn into a babysitting gig. They worry we'll be put completely in charge as Wei Li was of the Tiwanese group, and we feel unqualified to arrange and show the workings of everything.
But it's a chance to finally interact with some people without such a language barrier. The opportunity to talk with girls is right up my alley. Granted, it's a bit overwhelming to to sit down and think about the most valuable things I could share that would still apply in this context. But I figure if we can sit and have a conversation, everybody will get something out of it.
I come up with a list of workshops I could facilitate along with Maya; yoga, healthy eating and exercise, gender in the US and India, AIDS stigma, "Reproductive Health", etc.
"reproductive health" is code for comprehensive sex ed. It's a topic I'm obviously passionate about. I tell Maya, "if they're going to try to stop us from putting a condom on a bananna, let them. It's information that could save some girl's life. What are they going to do? Put us in jail?" On top of that talk about sexual assault, gently, and emotional health in relationships. Maya suggests I do a basic kung fu self defense type class, but I don't feel qualified in the least, so that gets scratched off the list.
I search the web for feministy type activities for teenagers to no avail. I make a list of some empowering movies that we could have a real discussion about afterwards, including a few Indian films.
Apparently there had been a meeting without us this morning with the Australien volunteers, where Isabel was much more specific, gave out topics, etc. What Maya and I were most comfortable with, and Ulric as well, was some kind of reproductive health class... even if there were things we couldn't say. But that's already taken care of.
There's a real communication problem here that goes beyond the language barrier.
I present a list to Isabel, interupting a meeting with the staff planning for the visit. (Interupting is the only way to get to her usually.) My only acceptable suggestions: yoga and "Bend it like Beckham." They'd rather show "finding nemo", which is a great movie, but not exactly something I learned anything from or went away thinking about. And while yoga is good for you, I'm not going to make a career of it. I'm not even that good at it.
I try to make my case on the movie, talking up an Indian movie about a rich woman who gets AIDS. To no avail. After waiting through a five minute cell phone conversation I give up.
If you're going to ask me to do something, don't give it to me as bull shit work to keep me busy, or just so I feel included. I put effort and thought into my work. I don't bull shit. Give me enough respect to tell me what it is you're looking for, so I know how to do my work well to begin with. Don't leave me floundering in the dark, just to find that what I come up with is already taken care of. If you're going to include me in planning something, really include me; bring me into the meeting, so I can work out what's needed and where I can fit in and contribute. Or give me a task that you actually need accomplished, and I'll do that if that's what's needed.
I know I'm over reacting, but I was finally given a chance to do something resembling what I came here to do, or so I thought, and then it was yanked away.
Current Mood: crappy
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01:43 pm - another lunch of.... rice!
When I get home I'm going to have a feast and make up for 2 months of nothiing but empty white carbs. Lots of vegitables and protein....
Green beans with almonds and butter... and maybe pan fried green beans from New World Home Cooking too... or the yummy ones from Lemon Grass...
Brussel sprouts...fresh ones streams and smothered in butter and lemon.
Sweet potatoes.
Mashed potatoes. with lot of real garlick.
Sashimi. Forget the rice, just salmon, maybe with soy sauce and a little bit of wasabi.
Baked salmon with paprika and butter and lemon and a little bit of peper and some carmalized onions.
Avocado salad. Avocadoes, yellow pepper, tomatoes, celery, red onion, corn, black beans, with a little bit of lemon juice and peper.
Cheese. sharp white cheddar cheese.
And veggie bacon with fried eggs.
And some nice white wine.
Current Mood: hungry
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September 12th, 2008
11:44 am
Have never been so sick in my life as I was last night.
Maybe one too many cups of tea in the slum. Maybe just didn't wash my hands well enough before eating.
Lots to write about yesterday, blood screening camp, R going back to her husband, etc.... but it'll have to wait.
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September 10th, 2008
05:55 pm
I spent the afternoon reading case files for the girls at the short stay home.
Terrible stuff.
Torture and rape by fathers, abandonment, marriages to men more than twice their age, trafficing and tricks and cheating husbands.
And a lot of them ran away. Understandably. But ran away and did everything they could to establish themselves. I think they're extraordinarily brave.
What kind of bravery does it take to tell your own father you'll kill him if he touches your sister. To face him at 16 when he threatens to hang you.
What I can't understand is that MCCSS wants to reintegrate these girls back into their abusive families.
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September 7th, 2008
01:22 pm
Wei Li went left for Taiwan Sunday night. I'll miss his guitar and his enthusiasm, good will, and "oh...my pure heart!" comments. It's already a bit more lonely without him, though Jen arrived from Canada a few days ago. Seena, one of the Danish young women is calling it quits at the end of september, cutting her 4 month stint down to one. She's concerned that she will have to do her practicum all over again if she stays.
We went back to Sparky's for dinner last night to give Wei Li a bit of a send off, and then out to Mocha; a lovely, very creativly decorated place for coffee and sheesha. The Irish coffee (half espresso, half whiskey) unfortunatly had me up till 6:30 am.
The power point I spend all last week on is still not complete, but it was good to actually take a weekend off. I think every weekend but one has either been spent working in the office, or out of some expidition. Saturday was actually a work day, but very few people came in. I can't get any further on the power point unless Isabell sits down with me and tells me what she wants. It's been a nightmare finding all the pictures they want, especially since the HIV and Trafficking dept computers were wiped this week. Great timing, and they're still not running much faster. I may just dump several slides without the pictures. I'm not emotionally invested in the project, so at this point I don't care that much. I actually wish I could feel more invested. But every turn has been headache after headache.
I thought I would be able to say after last week that I'm happy to help where I can, but it's difficult to meet expectations when you don't have material to work with, or it's been erased, or it's in the wrong format. And I have tendonitis in my wrist after all that time at the computer.
All the frustration has really sort of leveled out into a certain degree of apathy and cynicism. I don't think I'm very pleasant to be around lately.
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September 5th, 2008
09:14 pm
The most exciting part of my week has been chatting with Robert from Tiwan about his country.
Apparently in Tiwan young men will basically become slaves to young women, just to get a date. This can go on for quite some time, even if the woman already has a boyfriend. Tiwan doesn't have enough women for all the men. He explained the heiarchy of who will get to dance with a girl at a night club and how foreign men are misliked for stealing Tiwanese girls and taking advantage of them. Foreign men can skip all the slavery, and will pressure girls into sex. The women think they must be in love, but to the guys it's just a hook up. Robert said that it was so difficult to find a female partner that many men will go for mail order brides from Russia or Vietnam (I think) instead. All the diferential treatment women get before marriage ends once they get married. His parents are both professors, but his mother does all the housework, and basically raised him. She's trying to save up enough money to afford to divorce his father.
It's strange that I came here to learn about India, yet it seems like I'm learning more about Denmark and Tiwan and Canada. All of us volunteers are new to India; if nothing else we have that in common. We bond over the little things that schock us here.
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September 3rd, 2008
05:02 am
I've neglected to mention my talk with Rose last wednesday... she's India's first transgender talk show host.
She was able to tell me some things that made sense of what I'd been hearing about homosexuality from Ari, and even a social worker I met earlier in the day.
The Indian conceptualization of gender and sexuality is different. They're very much linked concepts, not seen as seperate entities.
Every time Ari said something to me I'd stop him and say 'No... that's a steriotype' instead of listening. Another area I've been a bad anthropologist.
The TG survey is full of problems, and there's nothing I can do about it. It's already been issued to 100 people. It just kills me that this is the first survey of it's kind and going to the national government and it's not going to be accurate. And the people surveyed don't have any kind of identity protection. How can you ask people such sensative things, take all their personal info and their picture, and expect them to want to respond or tell the truth. On top of that, staff are filling in the answers on the sheet, and when the person surveyed occasionally looks it over at the end, they often find mistakes.
Anyway. I'd post more, but I'm out of computer time.
This week I've been working on the annual report presentation. Days and days of power point.
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September 1st, 2008
10:51 am
kids from Ari's village. I'd take a picture of the little girl on the right and show it to her and she would beam and kiss the screen. : D
slum.
view from the top of the HIV office.
road to the harbor.
fish drying on the beach. lots of flies. we came here to make contact with the fishermen and talk to them about HIV.
the men will go out to sea for 14-20 and get lonely. they'll have sex with the other men on board, then maybe vist a sex worker when they get back to shore, then go home to their wives...who have also been lonely.
why we're not handing out condoms to individuals instead of just shops I really don't understand.
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